she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
