I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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