I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
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Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
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So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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