who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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