her vagina looked like bernie madoff
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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