have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
