I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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