I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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