This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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