Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
