Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
