You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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