You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
