So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize