did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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