I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
