Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize