Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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