her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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