If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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