They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize