I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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