You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
