Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
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Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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