Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
