whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
