okay pat passed out under dana's car
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
