is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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