so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
