im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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