Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
