he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
