i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
