I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We need to rekindle our bromance
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
