he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
