my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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