So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
