so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
