I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
