Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
