Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
