Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I lost the right to judge tonight
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
