Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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