Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
