dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
