The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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