The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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