Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
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I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
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His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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