Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
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Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
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Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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