i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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