Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize