i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
