I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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