you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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