Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
