there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
