I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
