i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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