you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
