i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
